The advert:

Bloke drives car through middle of tornado.

Why it's a badvert:

If you've seen 'Twister' you know all about the massive power of tornadoes, and how they can do mad stuff like lift up cows and barns (but not, curiously, a couple of c-list American actors). But this new car from Audi is able to drive straight through the middle of one without lifting a couple of inches off the ground. My grade-C GCSE in physics (sorry, 'co-ordinated sciences') allows me to use my scientific brain to come to one conclusion: THIS ALFA ROMEO IS A FUCKING HEAVY CAR. Not heavy like normal cars. FUCKING HEAVY. Like a giant lead tank with Vanessa Feltz's shed fat driving it, firing her huge horse-like eyelashes at passing Weakest Link losers, just to make them feel that little bit more suicidal.

A really heavy car like this probably looked like a good idea on paper, but it's fundamentally flawed. Where would you get such heavy material? The arse end of a black hole? How much taxpayer's money would have to be spent reinforcing Britain's roads? Will the lower floors of multi-story carparks be filled with Alfa Romeos, to prevent them entering the upper levels, potentially destroying the carparks themselves? If you drive on to an area of soft ground, will the car sink to the other side of the planet, China-syndrome style?

Maybe I've got this wrong. Maybe the car is fitted with some kind of suction device that allows it to cruise through all sorts of meterological problems. Maybe in the next advert the car will drive through a tsunami. Or a hurricane. Or a shower of frogs. Even if this is the case, when did Audi think we would need this kind of technology in Britain? It's not like everyday we are in constant danger of being sucked up to the land of Oz by a rogue whirlwind (unless, of course, we work for Jeremy Dyson).

This advert probably worked in America, where driving through a tornado is obviously a daily occurence (hence the lyrics at the beginning of 'Friends': "It's like you're always stuck in second gear, when you drive through a tornado every day of every week of every year"). But here in good old Blighty it doesn't stand a chance. Think about it: if you had £20,000 to spend on the car of your choice, which would you spend it on, the car that could drive through a tornado, or a car that could transform into a giant robot that could run around the country smashing old people's greenhouses until the geriatric population of Britain implodes into a giant quivering blob of wrinkled skin and blue rinses? I know which one my money's on.