Q. What's the difference between Danny Baker and Jill Dando?
A. Danny Baker survived the doorstep challenge.
Q. Why wasn't Jill Dando known as a big drinker?
A. Because one shot went straight to her head.
Q. What goes in and out when the doorbell rings?
A. Nick Ross's arsehole.
Q. Why are Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer upset?
A. Because they heard that Jill Dando had been selected for Shooting
Stars.
Q. Why did Nick Ross resign from BBC Crimewatch UK?
A. Because he needs the job like he needs a hole in the head.
Q. What's the difference between a Dando and a Dodo?
A. One's a dead bird that spent all its life on tropical islands, the
other's extinct.
Q. What's the difference between Newcastle United's manager's wife and
Jill Dando?
A. One's got a Gullit in her bed and...
Q. What's the similarity between Jill Dando's assassin and a Jehova's
witness?
A. They both do your head in on the doorstep.
Q. The Police have recieved a call form someone claiming to be
responsible for killing Jill Dando.
A. Apparently it was a militant holiday group called combat 18-30.
Q. What have Jill Dando and George Best got in common?
A. They both finished their careers at Fulham.
Jill Dando had a new antique show for the BBC - the shooting started
this week.
A young couple have been going out together for a while and they're
looking for something to spice up their sex life. The woman says, "I'd
like to try using some toys. I know my sister has got a big vibrator
we could use. Perhaps you could stop by and pick it up from her house
on the way home tommorrow night."
The following night comes around and the woman is waiting expectantly,
dressed in her sexiest underwear.
The man comes through the door with a body bag, throws it on the hall
floor and unzips it to reveal a woman's body with gun shot wound to
the head.
After the initial shock, the woman says, "You stupid bastard, I said
to pick up Jan's Dildo."
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