The following questions will help you decide whether or not you are
gay:
1. It is your bedtime. What do you do with your pillow?
a) Sleep on it.
b) Bite it.
2. You have been offered two positions at a fudge factory? Which do
you take?
a) Producer.
b) Packer.
3. If you were a ferret, what would be your favourite food?
a) Grubs and beetles.
b) Chutney.
4. You are a jockey. What is your preferred steed?
a) A horse.
b) A sausage.
5. Imagine you are attacked by an aggressive piece of chocolate.
Would you:
a) Melt it.
b) Stab it.
6. You are a butcher's boy. How do you deliver your meat?
a) Proudly at the front door.
b) Furtively up the back passage.
7. Your garden is on a slope. How do you perform the weeding?
a) Downhill.
b) Uphill.
8. Imagine a shirt is in your way. How would you move it?
a) Manfully discard it from your path.
b) Lift it.
9. As a keen sportsman, how do you like javelins?
a) Thrown by old boilers like Fatima Whitbread.
b) Made of spam.
10. You want to learn a musical instrument. What do you decide to
play?
a) Piano.
b) Pink oboe.
11. How do you prefer your starfish?
a) Deepfried with chips.
b) Pink and lubricated.
Award yourself a point for each a) and nothing for each b). How did
you do?
11 - You're a red-blooded bloke and no mistake. Good work fella!
6-10 - Watch out! Although you appear normal you may find yourself
gazing longingly at Dale Winton.
1- 5 - Oh dear. It is unlikely a normal bloke would want to be your
friend.
0 - You're going straight to hell!
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