Q. Did you hear about the prawn that went to a disco?
A. It pulled a muscle.
Q. What do you call a miserable bastard that hangs around with
musicians?
A. A drummer.
Q. How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
A. Wi' jam in!
Q. And what did he say when offering someone a doughnut?
A. I hope ya like jam in too!
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bassoon recital.
Q. How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
A. Put it in a clarinet case.
Q. What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky the
hockey player?
A. Wayne takes a shower after three periods.
Q. How do you know that it's a drummer knocking at your door?
A. He doesn't know when to come in.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a chiropidist?
A. A chiropidist bucks up your feet and...
Q. What's the range of a piccolo?
A. About twenty yards on a good day.
Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A. Saliva.
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A. You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q. What do you call a French horn player with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant.
We call our drummer Dr. Who, because he's doomed to wander in time.
Apparently, there's this craze going round Bradford lately where
people crush pills, mix them with a bit of vodka, then inject them
into their gums. It's called "E By Gum."
Sign on a music shop door - "Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet. Offenbach
sooner."
A guy loses his brakes while driving down a main road. Ahead of him
are two individuals crossing - a penguin and a bloke carrying a
trombone. He's going to have to hit one so he makes a snap descision
and mows down the trombone player.
When the police question him later as to his reasons, he says, "It
seemed only right officer. I mean, the penguin might have been going
to gig."
A bloke wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but
before you join you'll have to have to have 1/3 of your brain
removed."
So he agreed and went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said,
"I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed
3/4 of your brain!"
"Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
A bloke is being searched by security at a club when the guard finds
some jump leads. "Why have you got these on you?" asks the security
guard.
The guy explains that he needs them for his job because he's a
mechanic.
"Alright," says the bouncer, "I'll let you in, but don't start
anything."
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