A guy goes to a party one night, and after a couple of hours, the most
amazing piano music starts being played. He thinks it is the most
wonderful music he has ever heard and makes his way over to the
pianist.
"I have to say that the music that you are playing is wonderful."
"Thank you very much," says the pianist.
"However, I've never heard this song before, what is it called?"
"It's called: I shag my wife up the arse and come all over her tits."
"Bloody hell, that's a bit harsh isn't it? I must say though, that I'm
having a party in a couple of weeks and would love you to play at it,
but perhaps you could just tone down the names of the songs that you
will be playing - my guests wouldn't approve."
"No problem," says the pianist.
2 weeks later the guy is having his party and the pianist is there and
he's playing liking a donkey, all the wrong keys - it really is the
most dreadful music he has ever heard.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the guy.
"I'm so sorry, I know I'm playing badly but I really need a wank."
"A wank? But you're meant to be playing the piano - all my guests are
here."
"I know but I can't play well until I've had one."
"OK, OK, go into the bathroom, there are some mags in the cupboard and
just get back here as soon as you can."
10 minutes later the guy comes back from the bathroom, sits down at
the piano and starts playing beautifully, just the way he's meant to.
After a little while a lady walks up to him and says, "Excuse me but
do you know your cock's hanging out and you've got spunk all over your
trousers?"
"Know it?" he says, "I wrote it."
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