Q. What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A. They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it's cheap and it spreads easy.
Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A. Pleasing!
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a deck-chair?
A. You need at least 5 minutes to open the legs of a deck-chair.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is
having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a
beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The
husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot
herself.
Hysterically the blonde screams back at the husband, "Shut up! You're
next!"
Three blondes find themselves stranded on a desert island after their
cruise ship catches fire and sinks. After some searching one of them
finds a magic lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie appears and offers
to grant each one of them one wish in return for freeing him.
The first blonde asks to be more intelligent so she think of a way to
escape. Instantly she's turned into a redhead and she swims away into
the distance towards a passing ship.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one
so she's turned into a brunette. She makes a raft from the trees on
the island and paddles away.
The last one asks to become even more intelligent than the previous
two. The genie turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge.
A blonde woman walks into a chemist and asks the assistant for some
bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the
woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have.
The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has
been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like
some more.
The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they
don't stock, or have ever sold such an item, smiles at the thick
blonde pillock, and says, "One moment please, I'll get the chemist."
The chemist comes in and says, "Can I help you miss?"
"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde.
"I'm sorry," says the chemist, "but we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I'll go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks
at it and says to the woman, "This is just a normal stick of under-arm
deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back. "Are you stupid?" she
asks. "Look: To apply, push up bottom."
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar
in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde
jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair
and says:
"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes,
arsehole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth
as a human being? It's peoples like you who keep women like me from
being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full
potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds but women at
large... all in the name of humour."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blond says:
"And you can stay out of this, I'm talking to that little bastard sat
on your knee."
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