LADDISM STUDIES (3rd year Arts)
Time allowed: 3 hrs.
Attempt all questions. If you do not know the answer to a particular
question, attempt to look at someone else's paper by knocking your
biro onto the floor and having a peek while you lean over to retrieve
it.
You are allowed one visit to the toilet to look at the answers you
wrote on the wall yesterday.
After one hour, request more paper to frighten the other candidates
into thinking that you must have written loads.
Attempt to introduce the one or two facts you are reasonably sure of
into the answers to every question, even if they are not wholly
relevant.
At 4.30 exactly, everybody cough to make the invigilator jump.
Male candidates: Try to avoid becoming distracted by mentally
undressing the female candidate in front of you and wondering whether
she takes it from behind.
Female candidates: It's your own fault for choosing this subject.
Section A (50%)
1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't
stand a chance against you and ten of your mates.
Include in your answer:
a) Why they are unable to kick a ball straight.
b) What you'd do with them in the baths afterwards.
2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs.
Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits
for recreational purposes.
3. It is a long-established fact that fat lasses are more grateful for
it. Outline some of the reasons why this is so, and make a passing
reference to the fact that all feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.
4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films you have watched
at your mate's house while his parents were away for the weekend.
a) Sex Boat
b) Three Into One Will Go
c) King Dong
d) Speared by Zulu Lovers
e) Swedish Erotica Part VI
5. Women drivers, eh? Discuss.
Section B (50%)
1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart. What
apparatus would you require? What risks would you run in lighting a
fart, and what are the potential benefits?
2. Name something a woman has invented.
3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their
pension 5 years earlier. Explain why this isn't fair, making
reference to your lazy old granny who lived to be 100 and your poor
grandpa who worked 52 years down the pit and died the day before he
was due to retire.
4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini Diablo
and the Ferrari Testarossa without ever having seen, let alone
driven, either.
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