There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.
Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in
the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to
see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't
hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and
would laugh as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She
told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't
stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
one Thanksgiving morning. At dawn the wife went downstairs to prepare
the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and,
of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a
thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's
problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts
into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs before her flatulent husband
would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the
covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She
then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear,
pulled them up, replaced the covers and tip-toed back downstairs to
finish preparing the family meal.
A couple of hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal
loud ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream
and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to
well up with tears as she rolled around on the floor laughing. After
years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip
to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said,
"Honey, you were right... All those years you warned me and I didn't
listen to you..."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
of these days, and today it finally happened... But by the grace of
God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in!"
|
