More Ali G quotes...
Teddy Taylor on Europe.
Ali: "So what about the pornos, would that still be legal in
Amsterdam?"
Teddy: "Well, it's going to be very difficult indeed, quite frankly,
as the borders go down, to try and accept a difference in
policy."
Ali: "So will I still be able to buy stuff with, you know, dogs and
women, or whatever in Amsterdam, or will that be illegal
there."
Teddy: "Oh no, that's still, you'll still be able to do that, but the
crux is this, is it going to be the same law through Europe."
Ali: "So we could start getting pornos of that quality over here?"
Teddy: "It's up to the European council of ministers to decide that
the same rules should apply throughout Europe."
Ali: "Aren't there any good things about it though, like, I dunno,
the ladies, like everyone knows we've got a lot of mingers
here and... I dunno, we get some Sweedes or whatever because
they is easier and less frigid than, I dunno, the English
girls..."
Teddy: "Southend-on-Sea is the place with the lovliest girls..."
Ali: "Me had a look around, man."
Admiral Stansfield Turner about the CIA.
Ali: "So, Mr. Stansfield, what does the CIA stand for?"
AST: "Central Intelligence Agency."
Ali: "So does it help if you was intelligent if you wanna get in?"
AST: "Yes, to get in you need a college degree..."
Ali: "Ain't that a bit racialist though that you have to be
intelligent?"
AST: "Isn't that a bit?"
Ali: "Racialist, that you won't allow in thick people? Could I ever
work for the CIA?"
AST: "I would certainly think so, you seem intelligent."
Ali: "Thank you very much, I has got two GCSEs."
Ali: "So let's talk about spies now because the CIA has also got to do
with spies, innit? Is it true that you have certain female spies
that you put a camera in their punani?"
AST: "..."
Ali: "What uniform to the CIA spies wear?"
AST: "They don't wear a uniform, they have to be as incognito as
possible. Now look, you go over to a foreign country, we have a
CIA person goes to country X, and in that country he finds...
Joe, who is willing to give us information."
Ali: "Who is Joe?"
AST: "Joe is a member of country X, he is a citizen of country X."
Ali: "Is it not dangerous that you is saying his name because this
maybe on the telly."
Ali: "What about landing a man on the moon, did it actually ever
happen?"
AST: "Of course it happened, I've actually shaken hands with the first
man on the moon."
Ali: "How do we actually know that Luey Armstrong was actually stood
on the moon?"
AST: "It was Neil Armstrong."
Ali: "Whatever."
Professor J. K. Galbraith about the economy.
Ali: "What is supply and demand? Is it like with me Julie? I supply it
and she demand it."
JKG: "Supply and demand is an old economic expression..."
Ali: "Is it like in me school? Everyone was well into Tashid Vegi
because she was all well fit and had nice skin and whatever and
you had to spend 75p even for a touch and Zoe Lewis who was a
bit dodgy, looked a bit rough, she was 25p for fingers and
thumbs."
Ali: "So what notes do you have here?"
JKG: "Dollars, five dollars, ten dollars."
Ali: "Would it not be more convienient if instead of having like just
a ten dollar bill and a twenty dollar bill you had like a five
dollar nineteen cents bill or like a twelve dollar forty-eight
cents bill or like a forty-eight dollar five cents bill or like
a seventy-eight dollar three cents bill or like a two hundred
and sixty-seven dollar fifty-four cents bill or like a three
hundred and eighteen dollar nine cents bill, then you could pay
for everything with one note, innit?"
JKG: "I have no hesitation in saying that would be so complicated that
only you and a few other people would understand it."
Ali: "I has got an idea and I want to run it by you, Professor
Galbraith. What has everyone in the world got...? Feet, right?
And what do they want their feet to become...? Comfy. How do
they make their feet comfy? One word..."
JKG: "Shoes."
Ali: "Slippers! Me idea is to make... slippers."
JKG: "Well, ah, um... you're not the only person with that idea."
Ali: "Yeah? Well, check this. I is going to use the intranet, and I is
going to do it on wwf.slippers.com. What do you think about
that?"
JKG: "I would point out that you will only become a millionaire making
slippers, internet or not, if you make them cheaper than anybody
else..."
Ali: "What happen if I use the intranet and I do it instead of that
address, on wwf.swedishfanny.com, 'cos then everyone would think
that they is going over to some nice girls or whatever, and what
would they see? Me slippers!"
JKG: "Okay, uh, that's your risk, fortunately, and not mine."
Ali: "Do you want to invest some money in it?"
JKG: "Certainly not."
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