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SINGLE OF THE MONTH!
THE DARKNESS - "Get Your Hands Off My Woman"
They really don't make 'em like this anymore. You may or may not have been alerted to the presence of the Darkness - four lads from Norwich trying to bring a spot of glam-metal pizazz to the toilet circuit. This, their second single, is a fine thing indeed - a gloriously arrogant slice of speedfreak riffing with lyrics that frankly border on the downright hilarious. To wit, imagine the following sung in a glorious falsetto that'd have Mark from JJ72 crying into his Guinness - "Octoped, you've got six arms too many/And you can't keep them to yourself/You've got too old and too fat to marry/That's why they left you on the shelf/Yeah, I got no right to lay claim to her frame/But you soiled my obsession, you cunt/GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WOMAN, MOTHERFUCKER!" Really, it takes absolute genius to be this knowingly stoopid. Let a bit of Darkness into your life now. (5/5)
THE REST
Of course, nothing ever goes to plan in music which is why it's so much fun to listen to and why every bugger wants to be a music reviewer (or summat). Take for example, Liberty X. They really had no right to be this good - they should've been a sub-Steps fluff-pop joke. Instead, they keep on carving out sleek, sexy and often quite brilliant slices of dance-pop of which "Being Nobody" (4/5) is the latest in an ever-growing line. A collaboration with bootlegger extraordinaire Richard X, it mixes Chaka Khan's "Ain't Nobody" with the Human League's "Being Boiled" and is officially this year's "Freak Like Me". Number one with a bullet, let there be no doubt.
And then, of course, there's the Datsuns who, if they were half as good on record as they are live, would easily be the best thing to come out of the Oz rock scene in ages. Unfortunately, the staccato rock of "Harmonic Generator" (3/5), like the rest of their album, is crippled by the over-clean production. Essentially this lot are circling the Coldplay wagons while the likes of the D4 and the Warlocks are charging straight in wielding tomahawks and screaming like the demented savages they are. Must try harder.
Also treading water somewhat are Oasis whose "Songbird" (3/5) single penned by Liam Gallagher is a pleasant enough two-chord strum but is waaaayyyy too throwaway for its own good. We still believe in you lads, really we do, but you ain't making it any easier for us.
Over to the rock corner then and a surprisingly good effort from politico-metallers One Minute Silence whose "Revolution EP" (4/5) takes up the baton dropped by Rage Against The Machine when they split and carries it on with a relentlessly driving slice of dub-metal. Keep an eye on this lot - it may just be that they're finally starting to come good. Speaking of Rage, three of 'em are back with their new band Audioslave whose "Cochise" (4/5) is similarly invigorating and worth three quid. And yes, we know it should've been in last month's reviews but it got lost and we only just found it. Sorry. Also on the comeback trail are the Red Hot Chili Peppers with an okay-ish identikit slice of funk-rock, "Don't Stop" (3/5). Fans will like it, others will remain resolutely unbothered.
Three US punk bands getting it wrong in very different ways next - Sum 41 continue to tread water with "The Hell Song" (2/5) which is essentially the retarded cousin of the Offspring's "Self-Esteem" and really isn't very good while both Good Charlotte's "Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous" (2/5) and Nada Surf's "High Speed Soul" (2/5) are, to all intents and purposes, Blink 182 minus the sense of humour and, predictably, just sound a bit crap. Meanwhile, The Hiss' "Triumph" (2/5) is a monochrome copy of the White Stripes to go with the umpteen others already clogging up the market. Time for a cull in that field, methinks. At least Billy Corgan's new band Zwan are nice enough to show some ambition with their new single "Honestly" (4/5) which is one of the better efforts we've heard this month.
And, to be honest, things in the "indie" sector aren't much better either. If we're not being bombarded by anaemic weirdy beardy people who look like the Jonestown Gang (and the sooner they go the same way the better as far as I'm concerned) in the form of the Polyphonic Spree's anaemic "Light And Day" (2/5) then we're having to listen to wussy sub-Belle & Sebastian swot-rock like the Delgados' "All You Need Is Hate" (2/5) or knackered NAM survivors stumbling around like the victims of a plane crash desperately hoping that people will still fall for this sort of half-arsed rubbish. Step forward Turin Brakes with "Painkiller" (2/5) and Mull Historical Society with "Final Arrears" (2/5). In the face of such overwhelming underachievment, one is forced to get one's kicks where one can. Although Clearlake may be superficially cut from the same cloth as Turin Brakes and MHS, at least they're decent enough to include a decent tune on their new single "Almost The Same" (3/5) which is almost enough to make you declare them the saviours of rock 'n' roll this month. Almost.
What's a bit more disturbing is that someone has clearly been going around spreading the poison that a 1985 indie revival is what this country needs. Well, what other reason could there be for Longwave's "Everywhere You Turn" (2/5) sounding like "standing on a windswept hillside" era U2 at their pompous worst. Or one-time rabid indie-punk thrashers Idlewild now packing a sound which, as evidenced on the turgid "Modern Way Of Letting Go" (2/5), if it was any more laid back and half-arsed could be bottled and sold as valium. And they call this progress? Sheesh.
But don't panic people - there are indie bands out there still willing to try and twist guitar music into new shapes. Sure, we've heard the Music's Madchester-meets-Zep updated for the 21st century schtick on God knows how many singles now but "The Truth Is No Words" (3/5), even on its 877th listen, still sounds way more ambitious than most of the drivel that's landed on my desk this month. But, nice guys that we are here at the Vault, we've saved the best for last with the Rain Band's "Easy Rider" (4/5) which mixes the sound of the Mary Chain and Mansun into one truly thrilling white fireball of malevolence with the tag line "I just wanna kill you all". Listen and weep, Idlewild, you used to be this good once, remember?
All singles reviewed by Andy James
